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In regards to the tme/tma thing, I remember when it was a big thing to insist that if a nonbinary person is “tme” they have to disclose it even if they would prefer to just say they’re nonbinary and leave it at that.
And like…nosiness about agab aside (“um cis men can be tme so it’s not demanding to know someone’s agab” Okay but you know this person is nonbinary so you know they’re not a cis man. Functionally you ARE demanding to know their agab.) Did nobody grasp that this also makes it harder for nonbinary transfems if the only defense to being pestered to reveal their tme/tma status is “oh I’m tma so I don’t have to tell you.”
I don’t know if this makes any sense I just hate that culture of forcing disclosures about “privilege” from people. The internet should be a place where people can experience what it’s like not being boxed in by stereotypes and just be a name on a screen. It can’t be like that for anyone if we don’t uphold that right for everyone.
I have mixed feelings on the matter, because on the one hand, like… intracommunity transmisogyny is a very real issue, and it’s not something I want to downplay even if I personally haven’t been hit very hard by it. So I can understand why a transfem person - nonbinary or otherwise - would be like “okay but are they nonbinary in a way where they Probably Get It, or are they nonbinary in a way where I’m still gonna have to walk on eggshells just in case”
that said I absolutely agree with you that:
- when “tme” is deployed in an intracommunity context it is, in fact, just “afab” with a thin coat of paint. it feels disingenuous to me. like as much as the term “theyfab” sucks shit it’s at least honest rather than unnecessarily circumspect. idk!
- it sucks ass that being nonbinary doesn’t actually let you escape the binary! that fucker won’t let go!! ultimately that’s not a problem I’d lay at the feet of the trans community specifically, mind you; instead it’s a natural consequence of how inescapable transphobia and sexism are, even within our own minds and communities. I don’t really have any advice or political insights on this front besides “shit sucks”
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